Tired of Trying

I'm tired of trying, tired of trying to keep in touch with people. If they aren't willing to make that same effort then why bother... Tired of explaining why I am the way I am. This is me take it or leave it. I don't know why I even care what others think or why it hurts when I consider someone a good friend is slowly distancing themselves...two friends actually... maybe its just my head... my head does that sometimes... runs off into its own world and brings back negativity and I start feeling like shit. But its not I can feel it and as much as I'm trying to remain calm I can feel it. You have the nerve to call me jealous?!? I have every right to be!!!! I work in the health field taking care of those that cant take care of themselves, cant make decisions for my self cause I don't want to upset my parents, a second mom to my youngest siblings, always worrying about everyone else. I'M DONE!!! so please explain to me why your calling me selfish... like its a bad thing. Its a GOOD thing for me right now...

This is all making me realize who my closest friends are. Who are willing to dig me out of a hole that I've dug miles and miles deep and can't crawl out myself... I told myself I will try to keep this blog strictly on things positive but right now I feel like crap. This is me, these are my thoughts for today. I'm on the verge of tears but certain issues aren't worth crying over... I know I'm a good person, and a good friend, and so what if I'm not happy 24/7... at least I'm working on it and its not easy. It comes easy to others and I wonder how the hell do they do it... but I have all this negativity inside of me that I need to let it all out before I can see the sun shining... I don't care if you don't understand or accept it cause if I worry to much over you, I'll never be where I want to be...HAPPY with MYSELF

Quote of the Week

As you grow older, 

you will discover that you have two hands, 

one for helping yourself, 

the other for helping others.

~ Audrey Hepburn

A Letter to Mom

I'm trying, I really am, to talk to you. But slowly I'm not wanting to. You make me feel as if I will upset you with any decision I make. So what if I want to have ONE beer or want (which I already have) a tattoo? It doesn't mean I'm heading downward. I'm growing up and my ideas, beliefs, likes or dislikes change. I want to have one beer without you telling me "there you go again all you want to do is drink" or me simply wanting a dog and saying no and not giving me a reason behind that no. I'm not that child that goes off and does whatever he or she wants I don't do drugs, I'm not going off and having "fun", I'm not an alcoholic, I don't steal, I don't disrespect. And that's just it I'm NOT a child. I get jealous of seeing other moms with their daughters having more of a friendship. I want that but I'm tired of trying when I cant seem to have one conversation with you where I don't cry.

This is why I used to hurt myself in the past because we didn't understand each other and even now that I'm 29 I still cant tell you everything because in your eyes I'm not an adult I'm your first born that's always going to be your little girl. I don't need your permission to grow up because physically my body and insides are changing and you can't stop that.

I wish you would stop throwing the guilt card in my face. I feel that anything I do I cant because it will upset you and therefore I'm the one that is unhappy just to please you. Please mom don't make me do that anymore, I cant do it anymore...........................

Homage to Jackson Pollock

Sometimes you don't have to have a reason to love something. I love art that "speaks to me" and simply captures my attention by the use of colors and flowing rhythm. This is a piece I did for my masterworks art project. The technique I used was stippling, a series of dots to create a drawing. I was asked why I chose Jackson Pollock I said I don't know I just LOVE his paintings. The painting I chose was Number 7, 1951. I tried to stay true to the outline of the drippings of paint and the male figure is Jackson Pollock as he's painting.

Christina Aguilera - I Am Lyrics ♥

I Am by Christina Aguilera. My friend suggested this song for me :)

Ansel Adams: Road, Nevada Desert

One of my favorite photographs. I'de like to think that this is the path I belong on

Something New to Try

I've never done this before until a friend had suggested it and I thought I would give it a try. An art teacher once said to me "Don't be afraid to share. There is someone out there that could feel the same way."