A Letter to Mom

I'm trying, I really am, to talk to you. But slowly I'm not wanting to. You make me feel as if I will upset you with any decision I make. So what if I want to have ONE beer or want (which I already have) a tattoo? It doesn't mean I'm heading downward. I'm growing up and my ideas, beliefs, likes or dislikes change. I want to have one beer without you telling me "there you go again all you want to do is drink" or me simply wanting a dog and saying no and not giving me a reason behind that no. I'm not that child that goes off and does whatever he or she wants I don't do drugs, I'm not going off and having "fun", I'm not an alcoholic, I don't steal, I don't disrespect. And that's just it I'm NOT a child. I get jealous of seeing other moms with their daughters having more of a friendship. I want that but I'm tired of trying when I cant seem to have one conversation with you where I don't cry.

This is why I used to hurt myself in the past because we didn't understand each other and even now that I'm 29 I still cant tell you everything because in your eyes I'm not an adult I'm your first born that's always going to be your little girl. I don't need your permission to grow up because physically my body and insides are changing and you can't stop that.

I wish you would stop throwing the guilt card in my face. I feel that anything I do I cant because it will upset you and therefore I'm the one that is unhappy just to please you. Please mom don't make me do that anymore, I cant do it anymore...........................